Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow……i guess snowfall brings out the crazy freak nasty in some..I wouldn't know, i live in Texas.  

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No fat chicks!

         Well Jesus.

 

In all honesty driving down the street in this city NEVER ever surprises me. There is always something going on or something that I see that just leaves me speechless. Sitting at a light minding our own business this mofo drives up. All cool like. I casually look over and FIRST i notice a Mexican dude, in a cowboy hat, with a cowboy shirt on driving a v-Tec with gold rims, dropped. (well a car that “says” its a v-Tec) THEN i see the sticker…… I think the sticker speaks for itself. I cant figure out what is funnier, the sticker alone, or the dude driving the car, with the sticker….

 

 

I think its pure epic wins….!

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There is just something so wrong about this….

So is this the part of the story “Night before Christmas” they left out? The part about how old Prancer, Dancer, and Nixon were to spend eternity being peed on? Or into…? Or whatever. This is the type of thing Roland's mom would have on her toilet for Christmas. (The woman has a wreath for every nameable holiday that was ever created.) Honestly, it would startle me a little bit to walk in and see this mother fucker staring out me.

“Oh I'll be right back i have to go to the AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!”

(PS. I KNOW the reindeers name wasn't NIXON.)

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Not looking forward to the holidays? Don't worry i got your back!

With the season coming i understand that some of you might be less then thrilled with the gathering of psychotic family members around kegs, bottles, of liquor etc. The thought of the potential family beef rearing its ugly head on what is supposed to be the most holiest of days just makes some of us want to stay home and sit around in our underwear watching the fucking Christmas Story marathon on TNT.

Why not get yourself one of these little doo hickeys, which i must say are the coolest things i have seen in quite some time. With a belt that holds a 6pk, at least you know if anyone pisses you off you can either A. crack open a cold one and sit back. OR B. Have a full arsenal of weaponry that you can break over someone's head. (Not that you should be breaking beer bottles over family members heads or anything, that's just wrong.)

The second, is a nice little subtle touch to your every day Christmas decor for the occasional swig of happy juice when grandma just HAS TO HAVE IT HER WAY…Just casually walk by the tree and *poof* Instant happiness. Now i figure , depending on how many of the Christmas ball flasks you have hanging from your tree, and how many casual strolls you take to “admire” the tree lights, there is a chance you could take down that mother fucker when your drunk ass trips over, whatever the hell that huge $200.00 present that belongs to your little cousin. Who I'm sure is LESS then deserving, and probably will fucking break it by New Years anyway. So please….be mindful of the tree when drinking from the Christmas Ball flasks.  :D

 

Christmas Ball Flask

Beer Bottle Belt

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almost makes me want to go vegetarian. almost…..

 

Its a gorgeous day outside in San Antonio, the sun is out and its NOT hot. The Birds are chirpy, the sky is clear. The nice cool breeze blows in from the west bathing us in the nice cool scent of fucking slaughter house. …..I never really knew that slaughter house was there until about a year ago. I had a discussion with a friend who lives down the street from me on the way home driving by it. I expressed the fact that i was pleased that we couldn't smell that wretched stench from our houses considering it really isn't that far away at all. I always thought it was disgusting the sights and smells driving by that place, the HUGE billboard of a juicy hamburger dripping with grease, cheese and veggies encouraging you to “go one have one”. strategically placed right across from it. (they may want to rethink their marketing strategy if u want my opinion.) RIGHT as the smell of dead cow flesh sizzles your nose hairs off.  Today is the day that the wind is just right, and blowing in the perfect direction to bring that smell over here.

 

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. 

 

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fyi blue heelers are psychos….

      Meet Daphne. She is our beautiful, pain in the ass 9 month old Blue Heeler.  My boyfriend always wanted a Blue Heeler ever since he was a kid, and made it a mission to find one. But much to his dismay and research he discovered that Blue Heelers are reputedly a very expensive breed. Bummed out that he wasn't going to find a blue heeler he slowly forgot about it until ONE DAY while out in the country doing a satellite cable job he came across this farm that just so happened  to have a littler of little Blue and Red heeler pups they were selling for ONLY $45.00 Dollars. Not prepared or expecting a new addition to be brought in he calls me and lets me know he found his pup and we were going to be picking him up that day!!! I was excited only because i hadn't owned a dog since my Dakota died a few years earlier. 

 

    He had already set the name for the pup, something i normally DONT do only because I'm a weirdo and think that a animal will more “tell you their name” by personality traits etc. Which was going to be “Sylar” after the main villain in NBC’s “Heroes” (huge fans) and he (the dog) was going to be the most awesomest bad assness of a dog that has ever walked on four legs!! Of course i didnt argue, Sylar is a cute name and for a dog, i thought it worked!!

 

    Driving up to the little farm i noticed the little balls of fur climbing all over each other in the home made kennel and i was already in love. They were so fat and furry and i was so happy we were getting one. My boyfriend picked out “Sylar” from the bunch, paid the man and we were OFF! Holding little “Sylar” in my arms i squeezed him tight and held him up so i could scope him out…

“Um……Roland..” I said “Roland, this dog is a girl….”

Startled and very surprised Roland stops and takes a look at the underside of his “Sylar”.

“But, what is that? Isn't that his thing” he says…

At this point my amusement was clearly written all over my face as the confusion spread over Roland's as he slowly came to the realization that his Sylar, the bad ass boy dog of all bad assness was in fact……a girl.  With a long look at the dog as quick as the confusion came , it went. I could tell he didn't care that dog, whatever it was had his heart and we drove off.  She so from that moment she became Daphne (Named also after a Character of Heroes, the speedster, whom which Roland has the hotts for majorly. )

 

    From the time she was little that dog was smart as shit…..at 6 weeks she could do sit and shake….i had never had a dog that did tricks so this was so freaking cool especially since she was SO LITTLE!

   

    Now i will say she was not the first one in this family. We already had a kid. Well i already did for that matter. A fat Tabby cat by the name of Tripper. Now tripper was already about a year old and he was setting into his ways of being a bossy brat that enjoyed eating and laying around everywhere he could without being disturbed. So you can imagine how unhappy he was when we brought home this unknown thing. (he had never really been around a dog before.)It took them about a week or two but before we knew it they were beating the shit out of each other annoying the CRAP out of me….

 

 

    As time went on, she grew to be this massive 50lb monster that lives to patronize me with her eyes and drive me crazy. As Cesar Milan would say she is the dominate female in this household. She does not listen to me for SHIT unless i have a treat or some kind of edible in my fingers.  She likes to take clothes out of the laundry basket and drag them out into the front yard to get my attention so i will go outside to chase her around. I'm fully convinced the whole neighborhood has seen both my boyfriends and my underwears strewn across the lawn in  pretty little patterns, with the occasional sock or two.  I stand by this though, that dog is the smartest dog i have ever owned, and no matter of the face that she lives to drive me nuts i love that dog SO MUCH! Our Daphies….

 

 

 

 

 

AUTHORS NOTE: I do have to say a few things, after reviewing this post and noticing the astonishing amount of videos we have of the dog and pictures of cats in clothes and shit i will have to come to my own defense….i DO NOT normally dress my cat in a shirt and carry him in a fucking purse around town, stopping for Starbucks and or eating at cafe’s while he chills in my purse wearing a fucking shirt.   It was a one time deal and i did it purely for amusement. the look on his face is priceless.

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Prince Of Persia, Jake Gyllenhaal and his Hotness.

So they released the new trailer for Prince of Persia, and i will have to say im not going to see it because it looks like a Bad ass movie or anything…

 

But i will, and i do have my reasons….

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Happy Day Light Savings….yay!

It has finally come, November in all its glory of rotating clocks back, and sleeping in that extra hour, that strangely feels like a extra four. (or is that just me)

 

Also with November comes the American pig out fest on the last Thursday of the month. Something i am looking forward to. The fact that i work Mon-Fri and no longer have vacation left i will be UN-able to go home…which really makes me mad, BUT it is what it is, I will be working for that triple pay. :D That sounds fantastic.  JUST in time for xmas. Although i did receive a early morning txt from Roland's mom in which it said

 

“Thanksgiving at my house, i hope you like popcorn.”

Hummmmmmmmm, i wonder what she has in store for us this year.

 

           Also another thing going on this month, which is turning out to be chock full of all kinds of exciting shit, is my 2 year anniversary. I think i might buy me something really nice as a reward for making it through two full years without being thrown in jail for battery or murder. I totally deserve it.

 

       So around this time of year my mood changes for the chipper holiday spirit kind, i walk around humming merry merry Christmas and all that shit. With bells on my fucking shoes doing my best reindeer impression. (Just kidding it really doesn't go that far, BUT there are a pair of antler headbands i plan on buying) My mouth and belly ache when i think of my mom at home making home made pumpkin filled empanadas. So i found a recipe on the interwebs that i thought i would share with you just in case you wanted to make some and mail them to me. :D

 

Pumpkin Empanadas

1 c. cooked mashed pumpkin
1/4 c. firmly packed light brown sugar
1/4 c. raisins
1/4 c. chopped nuts
1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
2 c. unsifted flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 c. Mazola butter
6 to 7 tbsp. cold water
1 qt. (about) Mazola corn oil
2 tbsp. confectioners' sugar
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

 

In bowl stir together first five ingredients. In another bowl mix flour and baking powder with pastry blender or 2 knives. Cut in butter until coarse crumbs form. Sprinkle water over mixture while tossing to blend well. Divide in thirds.

On lightly floured surface roll each out to 1/16 to 1/8 thickness, cut in 3 inch circles. Spoon about 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin mixture onto lower half of each circle. Moisten edge. Fold top half over filling. Seal well with foil.

Pour corn oil into heavy saucepan (3 quart) filling no more than 1/3 full. Heat over medium heat to 375 degrees F. Carefully add empanadas, a few at a time. Fry, turning once, 5 to 7 minutes, or until golden. Drain on paper towels.

Mix sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle over empanadas. Makes about 3 dozen.

ommmm nom nom nom nom

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