Voluntold……

(our Office Decor…..)

           Tomorrow will officially be the worst, most embarrassing day of my life. The thought of dressing up at work and participating in the Halloween contest/team event (I'm supposed to stab a monkey)....long story, just mortifies me to no end. I have TRIED many different ways to bow out of my money puncturing, but with no success. *sigh* I wonder if she is emotionally attached to that stuffed monkey? Like if I just happened to just cut the head off that monkey in silent revenge, would she be mad? For some reason when I think about tomorrow, I envision the worst possible face plant while heading to my post. Forever being coined the girl who fell flat on her face with the monkey. Or losing it completely busting out in hysterical laughter only to shoot boogers out of my nose. 0.o I'm embarrassed already......

 

(My boss, and the front end of the decor, and that is my chair where i will be sitting spanking, i mean stabbing the monkey.)

 

Last year we won. We had some of the teammates dance to Thriller dressed as zombies. Which was really fuckin good i wont even lie. But that's where a lot of the reluctantcy is coming from because the WHOLE building was down there watching. And i don't doubt that this year they will ALL be down there watching again and there i will be, like a IDIOT,  STABBING A STUPID FUCKING MONKEY!!!!!! Oh my Jesus.  It gets worse and worse by the minute. That’s it I'm calling in…..

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Lambo Doors, Southside & My City…

(Yes…that is my boob in the mirror)

 

Just to make you aware Lambo doors are still very much alive on the south side of

San Antonio. And its not only the rich, luxurious sports car types that get them in MY neck of the woods. I have seen 1999 Toyota Corollas with Lambo Doors like these you see here. And mind you, these doors do not have any sort of Hydraulic lifts on any sort, so seeing these tatted up guys, with

“bling” struggle to get these doors up is a sight in itself. Something i really do enjoy seeing because it really is funny as fuck!

Lambo doors ARE cool though. On a Lamborghini!!! Jesus Lord!!

 

:Slaps Forehead:

 

(This is a real picture, my boyfriend and i went to grab a drink from a Exxon and this mofo pulled up, everyone got out and went inside. And they just left it like this. My boyfriend wondered how many of them would cry if he had just jumped in and took off. He secretly likes Lambo doors i think.)

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Left ear…broken not working.

    Having this very uncomfortable inner ear issue for about a week now. Its stuffed up and it really fucking sucks. I DO clean my ears on a regular basis, and i think that is what caused the problem.  Months of sticking Q-tips in my ears has finally pushed all that extra shit so far up that that now i permanently feel like someone's massive finger is resting in my inner ear canal. There has been a positive from this experience i will admit.  My sleeping pattern has gotten so much better (because i cant hear shit when i sleep on my good ear), and now i can fully function off of about 5 to 6 hours of rest. Where as before if i didn't have at lease 9 i was dragging massive ass. (namely MY massive ass) I’m such a light sleeper, always have been. To finally be able to sleep through the night without waking up is quite a awesome thing. I just really hope there isn't a fire or anything, because i will NOT be able to hear it. So the combination of My temporary deafness and Roland's lack of being able to smell, we are goners for sure. lol. (not that its a laughing matter or anything.)  Speaking of fire….My grandmother used to do this thing called coning, or candling. Whatever you might want to call it. When u roll up a piece of paper into a cone stick the little end in your ear and light the other end on fire.  There are a few reasons i am skeptical about this process, and they are the reasons why i still cant freaking hear. ONE, is that i don't have the luxury of someone with experience to do the procedure. I have….Roland. Who i can confidently say that he has NEVER done this, and i can just visualize how smoothly that will go. I might end up not only being deaf, but smelling like burnt hair for the next few weeks. OR end up having no hair at all. 0.o  Another is that i don't even know if it freaking works. Or what its supposed to even do. If it keeps up i might have to go to the doctor. I’m just afraid that he is going to tell me something stupid like, “Well crystal, you do have something in there…..but its NOT ear wax!” I’m very kind of squeamish and sensitive about my ears so the smelling salts better be ready and armed if that is the answer he prepares to give me because i WILL pass the fuck out. They are real, they crawl in your ear and eat their way to your brain. I’m not entirely sure of that fact honestly, but I'm sure i saw it on animal planet!

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Horchata….DENIED……

 

Dear, Patty’s Taco House.

         Everyday on my way to wherever i go, i drive by you. I often wonder why, since you are so close, do i never stop by and maybe have a taco. You know since according to your sign you have a house full. The smell from your “house” is great i will admit, so today i felt compelled to at least stop by and say hi :D. I often asked my boyfriend why we never stopped by before. He never really had anything nice to say about your “house”.  Now, i just have a question. Why if you are always so busy with the five MILLION cops that come to your “house” don't you invest in some additional parking spots? And aren't these cops supposed to be working or something? Doing cop things? Secondly, which way does your driveway go because i think i drove in the wrong way. Another thing that i would like to address is the Horchata issue or lack there of. How can you actively maintain a Mexican restaurant without serving the refreshing, cheap to make, all natural Agua Fresca? How? I was astonished and quite taken aback when i ordered my large horchata to only be told that “we don't have that here” . Out of reflex, i looked at a nearby menu just to confirm that i was in fact in a Mexican restaurant and didn't walk into some place i didn't intend to go.

Settling for the tea, that i didn't 100% want. i proceeded to order my Picadillo and carne guisada breakfast taco. Receiving my expensive taco order, and my tea i head the block home to enjoy the new experience if tacos from your “house”. I have another question for you “patty”. Why did u only put one cube of potato in my picadillo taco? Did you forget to go buy some last night? Or did you give them all to the cops? The carne guisada taco was ok. Might want to add a little flavor next time. Well, that's about it. I thought I'd just drop you a line with some of the questions i had etc. I wont be coming by your “house” anymore patty. I should learn to start listening to my boyfriend.

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Me Vs T-mobile ….over.

It was a clean fight, no low blows, they were actually VERY pleasant. They didnt give me any kind of hassles, or make stupid, lame excuses. They thanked me REPEADEDLY for staying with their company. And gave me 2 sweet new phones <-----------Not only that but they addded a additional $129.00 dollars off my bill. So i am pretty damn happy.  Its a Android, and i heart it so much. It did take a  little bit to get used to the NON-keyboard and not fat finger every txt that i sent out. But it took me maybe 10 minutes if that to get over it. I spend the majority of the day yesterday downloading completely WORTHLESS app’s from the thousands they have. I think i like my guitar app the best :D

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Me VS T-Mobile…Round 1…

This Saturday i will have to go into battle with the ever so lovely T-Mobile over the infamous Sidekick Fiasco that is going on as of late.  It really isn't something that i am looking forward to, as i have always been a huge fan of T-Mobile and the phones.

But as you can imagine, I like many others are very upset for the loss of data that we had recently. And will will be taking my case to the T-Mobile store on Saturday to see what can be done about this situation. I don't plan on going in there and being one of those “nasty” customers, i am a firm believer that you can “catch more flies with sugar, then vinegar” . But i can say that i think my sidekick days are over. :( Goodbye Mario…..and ur little “its’a meeeee Mario” sound when i open you up, trusty old sidekick. The sidekick i stepped all over when i was busting a groove on the dance floor when you fell out of my pocket. I will miss you, especially when i am texting from my new blackberry compliments of T-mobile for their complete and TOTAL fuck up…..

:D

I will keep you posted on the outcome of this one.

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And before you sleep at night, you pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite…

This girl does a amazing cover of Oceanlab’s “Satellite” Which just happens to be one of my favorite fluffy, as my dj homies would call “gay vocal trance” songs. Its beautify, but her rendition is much better. I just wish it was longer, and to the end. :( Maybe she will do it again.

Original Below….

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Paging..Miss Fatty McFatterson….

The deliciousness that is the Whataburger @ 12am will be something to revel about when I'm old and grey suffering from diabetes and severely obese. I should have known what i was getting into when i was just getting to know my boyfriend and he could recite the whole fuckin Whataburger menu by heart. (fat ass)

“Oh you’re hungry, go for the number 4, that ones good…or u can go for the number 2 if your REALLY hungry, the double, but get it WhataSized with cheese..”

Wtf?!

At that moment i really should have known that being with this man was going to go strait to my thighs.

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9:24pm

Sometimes i think back, to all the friends i have had over the years. Which if i really think about it wasn't THAT  many. As a child i was one of those kids that didn't know how to have more then one friend and the same time. I think it came from my issue with sharing. I’m still the same way somewhat. I really do feel that sometimes when it comes to certain aspects of life 3 really is a crowd.

I was never one to be popular in school no matter how much i wanted to, and now that i look back i realize that maybe the reason that i wasn't so popular was because i wanted it SO BAD. Thinking back on it now i cringe to think about some of the ways i acted to be accepted and such. There was a instance when i drank a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and barfed all over myself, only to have the “friends” that i had drop me off right in front of the office at school. Yea…that rocked.

I often come across people in life that i sit there and listen to them talk, or read things they write and i often think to myself, “man, their life seems SO MUCH more interesting then mine.”  Like these people ooze interesting-ness and creativity to the point that in MY mind i think of them as going home and just having LOADS of shit to do. Maybe this is a common human misconception? Maybe people meet me and think the same thing? Well i can assure you, my life isnt interesting, its quite boring at times.

 

On a less somber note i will say that Halloween is coming up and i really can not freaking wait. As well as xmas which i enjoy more for the cold weather then for the actual act of giving and receiving. Living in a hot climate will do that to you. AND another positive thing to report, i was in fact able to sleep with NO problems while my significant other was not present in the household. BOUT mother fucking time. AND i almost got bitten by Katrina our 4 foot ling Ball python…. BUT that is another story….

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Goodbye sweet, sweet, sleep…i will miss you.

I have been awake since freakin 6:30 am. WHY? Because i am a idiot and went to go see Paranormal Activity, THATS WHY! Dont get me wrong i love horror films, it takes QUITE a bit to really scare me. But this one did it. I spent the majority of the movie with my eyes closed, the remainder of the movie i spent having a minor heart attack. Roland made it very clear that me forcing him to go see a scary movie (which he is not a fan of horror movies at all) he was not going to be holding my hand. I spent the movie squeezing his pant leg or his shoe. I missed the whole damn ending because i had my eyes closed (which i am totally okay with).

 

So here i am…..running on about 4 hours of sleep, the night before about the same amount.  Feeling like a zombie walking around the house with every f*king light on DURING the day.  I DO feel a little bit silly at the fact that i am so freaked out, i think the last time i have been this freaked out by a movie was when i saw The Ring. !!!!SPOILERS!!! BELOW!!!!!

First and foremost, when night falls and they are getting ready for bed at first, its like, okay i know somethings going to happen when they are asleep. Thats what the movies about right? So it happens or whatever and your left thinking, “wow, thats it? That wasnt so bad.” The first 15 minutes is like that, kind of like well this isnt nearly as bad as everyone said. THEN the shit really hits the fan, our happy couple are sleeping soundly, camera on a tripod pointed at a bed, open door, u can clearly see down a long hallway and thats about it. The void that is the stairs is just a black abyss of nothing and u can only imagine what is sitting down there. All of a sudden there is a break in the silence by what sounds like something scream and a loud BANG! It just progresses from there, as soon as they start getting ready for bed, and the camera is set, the time stamp at the bottom left speeds up and then slows down….you feel the dread that something is going to go down, night by night it gets worse and worse. !!SPOILER!! The night she gets dragged down the hall will forever remain burned into my brain. It just looked so real…the way she kind if comes too after she hits the floor, it really was like she was asleep when she hit the ground. At first i thought it was going to drag her under the bed, but it was far scarier then that when it tried to drag her up into the attic where they found a childhood picture of her burned at the edges. As far as the ending like i said i closed my eyes, last part i saw was her hovering over her boyfriends dead body, (which she just chucked at the camera) in that unnatural position and her look up at the camera. I closed my eyes and heard the audience scream and it was over. With the little note that basically said  they found the boyfriends body a few days later and they still didnt know where the hell the girl was.

I might see it again…..not in the near future though, at least until i get a good nights sleep.  Go check it out, it is a really good flick.

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