The Interwebs are CHOCK full of insanity and craziness these days…

   

Wow………just…..wow.

Meet, Molly, or @sexyredxolips OR @dearmolly. She really is Crazier then a Xbox controller with two buttons missing.

I “discovered” Molly through a confrontation on twitter between her and someone else on my list. Sooooo i decided to check out her page…Lots of goodness lol. WAIT…it gets better……She also has ANOTHER twitter acct. Where she twits to her OTHER twitter acct. 

AND if you can Believe it…..it GETS BETTER !

She has a

You Tube Acct :)

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Shampoo in your hair all day doesn't feel good. FYI.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear you Mother Fucking work on the pipes guy!!!!
What in the SAM HELL do you think you are DOING??!! Did it ever cross your mind that maybe the reason i didn't answer the door when you came over to tell me you were going to shut off my water was because i was IN THE FUCKING SHOWER!!!!! When you walked by my back bathroom window on the way to the water shutter offer thing with your god damn wrench ,wearing that stupid fucking hat, did you not notice the fucking STEAM on the window or hear water running??!!  I KNOW you fucking heard me banging on the walls to turn the water on!!! I KNOW you did because i could hear you fiddling with the pipes, and knobs and shit ,singing Spanish songs!! Do you know how bad it hurts to get soap in your eyes? HUH??!! You MOFO! It hurts! A LOT! You better thank your lucky damn stars that i didn't walk over there and punch your lights out because i was on my way. You piece of shit work on the pipes guy!!! Don't do it again!!! Or i will follow you home and wait for your ass to take a shower and Turn off ALL YOUR SHIT!!!! Don't believe me??  My boyfriend is a plumber!!

…….You Bastard.

Sincerely,
the girl who went to work with fucking shampoo in her hair!!!

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There is just something so wrong about this….

So is this the part of the story “Night before Christmas” they left out? The part about how old Prancer, Dancer, and Nixon were to spend eternity being peed on? Or into…? Or whatever. This is the type of thing Roland's mom would have on her toilet for Christmas. (The woman has a wreath for every nameable holiday that was ever created.) Honestly, it would startle me a little bit to walk in and see this mother fucker staring out me.

“Oh I'll be right back i have to go to the AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!”

(PS. I KNOW the reindeers name wasn't NIXON.)

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almost makes me want to go vegetarian. almost…..

 

Its a gorgeous day outside in San Antonio, the sun is out and its NOT hot. The Birds are chirpy, the sky is clear. The nice cool breeze blows in from the west bathing us in the nice cool scent of fucking slaughter house. …..I never really knew that slaughter house was there until about a year ago. I had a discussion with a friend who lives down the street from me on the way home driving by it. I expressed the fact that i was pleased that we couldn't smell that wretched stench from our houses considering it really isn't that far away at all. I always thought it was disgusting the sights and smells driving by that place, the HUGE billboard of a juicy hamburger dripping with grease, cheese and veggies encouraging you to “go one have one”. strategically placed right across from it. (they may want to rethink their marketing strategy if u want my opinion.) RIGHT as the smell of dead cow flesh sizzles your nose hairs off.  Today is the day that the wind is just right, and blowing in the perfect direction to bring that smell over here.

 

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. 

 

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Voluntold……

(our Office Decor…..)

           Tomorrow will officially be the worst, most embarrassing day of my life. The thought of dressing up at work and participating in the Halloween contest/team event (I'm supposed to stab a monkey)....long story, just mortifies me to no end. I have TRIED many different ways to bow out of my money puncturing, but with no success. *sigh* I wonder if she is emotionally attached to that stuffed monkey? Like if I just happened to just cut the head off that monkey in silent revenge, would she be mad? For some reason when I think about tomorrow, I envision the worst possible face plant while heading to my post. Forever being coined the girl who fell flat on her face with the monkey. Or losing it completely busting out in hysterical laughter only to shoot boogers out of my nose. 0.o I'm embarrassed already......

 

(My boss, and the front end of the decor, and that is my chair where i will be sitting spanking, i mean stabbing the monkey.)

 

Last year we won. We had some of the teammates dance to Thriller dressed as zombies. Which was really fuckin good i wont even lie. But that's where a lot of the reluctantcy is coming from because the WHOLE building was down there watching. And i don't doubt that this year they will ALL be down there watching again and there i will be, like a IDIOT,  STABBING A STUPID FUCKING MONKEY!!!!!! Oh my Jesus.  It gets worse and worse by the minute. That’s it I'm calling in…..

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Lambo Doors, Southside & My City…

(Yes…that is my boob in the mirror)

 

Just to make you aware Lambo doors are still very much alive on the south side of

San Antonio. And its not only the rich, luxurious sports car types that get them in MY neck of the woods. I have seen 1999 Toyota Corollas with Lambo Doors like these you see here. And mind you, these doors do not have any sort of Hydraulic lifts on any sort, so seeing these tatted up guys, with

“bling” struggle to get these doors up is a sight in itself. Something i really do enjoy seeing because it really is funny as fuck!

Lambo doors ARE cool though. On a Lamborghini!!! Jesus Lord!!

 

:Slaps Forehead:

 

(This is a real picture, my boyfriend and i went to grab a drink from a Exxon and this mofo pulled up, everyone got out and went inside. And they just left it like this. My boyfriend wondered how many of them would cry if he had just jumped in and took off. He secretly likes Lambo doors i think.)

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Left ear…broken not working.

    Having this very uncomfortable inner ear issue for about a week now. Its stuffed up and it really fucking sucks. I DO clean my ears on a regular basis, and i think that is what caused the problem.  Months of sticking Q-tips in my ears has finally pushed all that extra shit so far up that that now i permanently feel like someone's massive finger is resting in my inner ear canal. There has been a positive from this experience i will admit.  My sleeping pattern has gotten so much better (because i cant hear shit when i sleep on my good ear), and now i can fully function off of about 5 to 6 hours of rest. Where as before if i didn't have at lease 9 i was dragging massive ass. (namely MY massive ass) I’m such a light sleeper, always have been. To finally be able to sleep through the night without waking up is quite a awesome thing. I just really hope there isn't a fire or anything, because i will NOT be able to hear it. So the combination of My temporary deafness and Roland's lack of being able to smell, we are goners for sure. lol. (not that its a laughing matter or anything.)  Speaking of fire….My grandmother used to do this thing called coning, or candling. Whatever you might want to call it. When u roll up a piece of paper into a cone stick the little end in your ear and light the other end on fire.  There are a few reasons i am skeptical about this process, and they are the reasons why i still cant freaking hear. ONE, is that i don't have the luxury of someone with experience to do the procedure. I have….Roland. Who i can confidently say that he has NEVER done this, and i can just visualize how smoothly that will go. I might end up not only being deaf, but smelling like burnt hair for the next few weeks. OR end up having no hair at all. 0.o  Another is that i don't even know if it freaking works. Or what its supposed to even do. If it keeps up i might have to go to the doctor. I’m just afraid that he is going to tell me something stupid like, “Well crystal, you do have something in there…..but its NOT ear wax!” I’m very kind of squeamish and sensitive about my ears so the smelling salts better be ready and armed if that is the answer he prepares to give me because i WILL pass the fuck out. They are real, they crawl in your ear and eat their way to your brain. I’m not entirely sure of that fact honestly, but I'm sure i saw it on animal planet!

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Horchata….DENIED……

 

Dear, Patty’s Taco House.

         Everyday on my way to wherever i go, i drive by you. I often wonder why, since you are so close, do i never stop by and maybe have a taco. You know since according to your sign you have a house full. The smell from your “house” is great i will admit, so today i felt compelled to at least stop by and say hi :D. I often asked my boyfriend why we never stopped by before. He never really had anything nice to say about your “house”.  Now, i just have a question. Why if you are always so busy with the five MILLION cops that come to your “house” don't you invest in some additional parking spots? And aren't these cops supposed to be working or something? Doing cop things? Secondly, which way does your driveway go because i think i drove in the wrong way. Another thing that i would like to address is the Horchata issue or lack there of. How can you actively maintain a Mexican restaurant without serving the refreshing, cheap to make, all natural Agua Fresca? How? I was astonished and quite taken aback when i ordered my large horchata to only be told that “we don't have that here” . Out of reflex, i looked at a nearby menu just to confirm that i was in fact in a Mexican restaurant and didn't walk into some place i didn't intend to go.

Settling for the tea, that i didn't 100% want. i proceeded to order my Picadillo and carne guisada breakfast taco. Receiving my expensive taco order, and my tea i head the block home to enjoy the new experience if tacos from your “house”. I have another question for you “patty”. Why did u only put one cube of potato in my picadillo taco? Did you forget to go buy some last night? Or did you give them all to the cops? The carne guisada taco was ok. Might want to add a little flavor next time. Well, that's about it. I thought I'd just drop you a line with some of the questions i had etc. I wont be coming by your “house” anymore patty. I should learn to start listening to my boyfriend.

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